ROB GEE

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  “The kind of performer you pray you’ll discover!” Orlando Sentinel

Children's Poems

Hairdryer cartoon
Amazing Monango

Invisibility Cloak

If I had my own invisibility cloak, I'd have so many different choices.
I could do anything I wanted, the world would be my oyster,

I’d sneak into the multiplex and watch every single movie;
I’d tiptoe onto aeroplanes and go to lots of different countries,
I wouldn't be at school.
I'd be doing something cool,
in a deckchair behind the goalmouth
of Manchester United against Chelsea.

I’d give the hardest kids a wedgie and they wouldn’t know who’d got ‘em
I’d tiptoe into Buckingham Palace and slap people on the bottom
I’d always win at hide and seek,
because they wouldn't find me for a week;
I’d make my brother look good in make-up while he was fast asleep.

I’d put a bed sheet over me and pretend I was a ghost
I’d shout “Bogey!” in the theatre, but I wouldn’t get a roast ..
... ing.
I’d baffle some sheep like Little (Boo!) Peep
I’d trip my sister up all day
and never find it boring.

I’d sneak into a zoo and ride around on elephants;
I’d wrap it round my head and walk around like I was dead
I think it would be great if I caused havoc at the fête
Although someone's dog might smell me and pee up against my leg.

I’d cut a little corner off and cover all my vegetables
I’d creep into a Kit Kat factory and scoff and scoff and scoff;
and at the Christmas pantomime I’d shout “I’m behind you!” all the time,
although I might get run over if I forgot to take it off.

Sometimes I'd use it scare someone funny,
or hide my parents car keys if they took away my pocket money.
Sometimes I'd just use it to get away from everyone,
or I'd hang it over my window
and wonder where the world had gone.

By Rob and Year 5 students
St Edwards School, Castle Donington

My Monster

I know a monster who strange and scary
Strange and scary, strange and scary
He’s fierce and fat and fast and lazy
And he lives in a volcano

The monster I know eats carrots and sticks
Carrots and sticks, carrots and sticks
He eats cats and dogs and doors and bricks
And he lives under my bed

The monster I know won’t eat people
Won’t eat people, won’t eat people
‘cos they’ve got teeth and bones and hair and pimples
And this monster, he hates gristle

The monster I know says how do you do
How do you do, how do you do.
My name’s Monster. Who are you?
The monster I know says how do you do.

By Rob and Year 2 students,
St Edwards School, Castle Donington

Excuses

I got abducted by aliens and taken into space.
I tried to rob a bank and got sprayed with mace.
I tried to stop a streaker in the middle of the race.
I played non-stop poker, just to try and get an ace.

I stopped iron bolt from sticking in a train rail.
I played bingo with old people on their junk mail.
I sailed in a pirate ship without a sail.
I caught a fifty foot long snake. It didn’t have a tail.

I won the X Factor, but I can't sing;
I drove to the airport and went skydiving.
I then spoke to Adolf Hitler, even though he’s dead.
I went to Grandma’s house to make sure she had her meds.

And that’s why we didn’t do our homework.

By Tom, Lawrence, Charlie and Richard.
Year 9 students from Winstanley Community College and Brook Vale High School, Leicester

Evil Wizard

A wizard threw his wand at a girl
and said “Turn evil, right now!”
The wizard's spell backfired on him
and he turned into a cow.

By Year 5 students,
Kimbolton School, Cambridgeshire

Audio recording of what was nearly a children's poem

Sibling from my Nightmares!

As the oldest, we all agree
you make our lives a misery.
You cheat at Uno, break the Wii.
You lick my glasses so I can't see.

You run around, harass my friends.
Your constant singing never ends.
My walls are smothered with your felt tip pens.
You drive us all around the bend.

“Mum, she hit me!” That's a lie.
Parents believe you when you cry.
Get off my bed, you cannot fly.
Just leave my room, young one.
Bye bye!

By Olivia, Kirsty, Helana and Clarisse
Year 10, Robert Smyth Academy, Market Harborough

Prince Charming's Disappointment

Prince Charming arrived to meet his true love,
and shouted to his girl in the window above.
After ten minutes of waiting, he picked up a stone,
smashing the window, following a groan.
The hole in the window is where he was peeping,
and Rapunzel replied “Get lost! I'm still sleeping!”
She let down her locks, fed up of his pleases,
but halfway up the plait, Prince Charming sneezes,
awaking the dog dozing on the ground.
Prince Charming slips and splatters the hound.
He rises to his feet and says
“So much for love at first sight,”
Gets back on his stallion and rides off into the night.

By Emma and Kelsey, Year 10, Robert Smyth Academy, Market Harborough, Feb 2012

Poem

The poem will be as swift as a bird.
It will be like nothing you've ever heard
… before.
This poem will be as manly as can be,
not feminine.
Better than the band with John Lennon in.
So come on, get ready.
This poem will pump your adrenaline.

The opening line will blow your mind.
There will be a rhyme in that line.
Time will rewind, the wedding bells will chime.
When you hear that rhyme in that line,
it will be fine.

The beef of the poem will be as good as can be.
It'll be so good, it will rewrite the dictionary.
The vegetarian option is available,
but you won't want that when there's meat on the table.
If you're bored of this food metaphor,
then don't go away, 'cause we've got more.

As the poem nears its end
you'll be full of suspense.
It builds and builds and builds some more.
You'll be on the edge of your seat for sure.
The end of the poem will be abrupt.

Year 10 students, Djanogly City Academy, Nottingham, February 2012