• If life has stripped you bare of all your wheels and spanners
    And kicked the living daylights out of your happy ever afters
    If your lungs creak in your sleep
    And wake up before you in the morning

    It might be that exercise isn't what you do
    But there will be a way of keeping fit
    That's tailor made for you

    You can exercise in your chair
    With arms and legs and wrists `
    In fact it’s so easy you can do it at the dentist’s

    You can exercise your lungs
    By shouting at the telly
    You can exercise your diaphragm
    By dancing with your belly

    You can do things with your pelvic floor
    To exercise your bladder
    You can exercise some self control
    And cut down on your sugar

    You can save a bag of money
    By growing food organically
    You can practice your dexterity
    By arranging flowers fastidiously

    You can learn about posture
    And exercise your mobility
    To reduce the number of times
    You exercise with gravity

    You can reduce arthritis
    And exercise your circulation
    By getting your hands massaged
    By a very pleasant woman

    You can exercise your finances
    By applying for pension credit
    You can cut down on your council tax
    And fatten up your wallet

    And when you’re in the supermarket
    You can exercise your eyeballs
    By having a good close look
    At what’s written on the labels 

    And if there’s lots of salt and sugar
    In your lovely pre-packed snack
    You can exercise your freedom
    And put the bugger back

    You can exercise your mind
    By arguing all the time
    With as many people as possible
    Especially if you’re right

    You can exercise your muscles
    By swinging your grandchildren round
    And then exercise your assertive skills
    By refusing to put them down

    You can exercise your social skills
    By befriending people that are lonely
    You can exercise your listening skills
    By hearing poets talking slowly

    You can exercise your cardiovascular system
    By walking from time to time
    You can exercise your smile
    By sitting in the sunshine

    You can exercise your heartbeat
    Just by dancing cheek to cheek
    And you’ve exercised by walking around today
    To see what you can see

    So thanks a lot for coming
    And bringing the day to life
    Have fun with all your exercises
    And have fun living your life